After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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