new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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