At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
