Your face is a jimmy john
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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