Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
