bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
