So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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