If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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