I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
only you would photoshop your dick
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
