Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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