in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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