Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
smell my finger.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
