well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
