I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
