yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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