im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
