So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
