omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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