so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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