yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
