He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i will never coherently bang her
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have aggressive nipples.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
