Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
