Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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