Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
