i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
