She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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