Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
