I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
