david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
