Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
