Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration