You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.