so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We just shotgunned beers for America
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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