Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
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Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works