Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10