I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
