Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
