You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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