i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
