Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize