I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
