You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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