Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
