in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
