So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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