my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
