Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
