This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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