i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
