Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
