o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
