I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize