Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
