Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
50% drunk capacity currently
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
