While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
