When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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