i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
