well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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