it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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