The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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