I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
