that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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