Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
