Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
