I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
